Are there any other New Yorkers out there who seriously, no-joke, "dead-ass" wonder if they are going to die today every time they get on the subway? I have tried biking, busing, and scrapped all kinds of plans to avoid the trains over the last year or however long it's been since the new normal. This is because, outside of the daily reports of stabbings, hammerings, shootings, pushing onto tracks, and all manner of random, unprovoked savagery, I have been approached now three times by crazy people who for whatever reason find me threatening so they just walk up to me and try to provoke some kind of exchange. And I never even say a word. Often it has something to do with my "big muscles," which aren't even *that* big. (Apparently, on top of my other woes, I look like a 'roughneck' to people.) Well, I did not discuss this on Facebook for whatever reason, but about a month ago a crazy dude got on the train blasting and mumbling along to his violent rap music on one of those little canister stereo things and decided that he didn't like Dominicans and that I was Dominican (I am not) and after a long rant about "fuck them Dominicans," and some other madness, he looked at me and threatened to shoot me. I'm not joking. For nor reason. I didn't look at the dude, I didn't say anything to him, and I am not and nor do I think I look Dominican. (And even if I were, so what? What's wrong with all these crazy black racist fucks attacking people for being some other race or another?) Luckily, the train (the 1) was pulling into 66th at Lincoln Center, which is one of the most culturally dignified neighborhoods in the city, and people emptied the car and ran up to the conductor, some even faster than I did. The train stopped, police were called, I was shaking but had an appointment (with my therapist) and got on the bus at Broadway and walked into her office explaining what had just happened and apparently I was so shaken up my nose started gushing blood. For a moment, I thought I had been shot. It was crazy. The next day I went out and spent over $900 on a bike. I've ridden the thing twice. I love it in the Park or along the water, but on the streets I just feel like I traded one bullet for another. Most of these city street bikers, frankly, are entitled and crazy. How one isn't wiped out every day is beyond me. I'm more afraid of them than the cars. Which aren't much better because no one is looking at the road. All the Lyft and Uber drivers are looking at their GPS systems. Anyway, this week I'm back on the trains. So far so good. The A/C/B/D trains are roomier and people appear to be more civilized. Except the station platforms are a little scary. A lot of loiters and scary hominids just lingering about. But the ride isn't as populated with lunatics as the 2/3, which is basically a moving insane asylum. The 6 has always had the ugliest people even pre-pandemic but since the east side buses actually arrive and move on time, I tend to just bus it on that side of town. Anyway, today I need to get on the crazy train and I'm pondering my mortality the way one might before going under anesthesia for the first time. Anyone else get like this or is this just me being...me?
Friday, November 25, 2022
This Is Not the Life I Ordered -- The Local News Needs an Update
The local news paradigm needs to be updated badly. First of all, let's chill with these weather forecasts. The weather does not need to be discussed, it just needs to be noted. And any meteorologist who does not like rain or anything other than sunny and warm weather just sounds basic AF. How do you get a degree in this meteorology and only like the same one type of weather system that any rando visiting Tampa in February would like? (Actually, how the fuck does anyone get a degree in meteorology period? Can you imagine the small talk?) Also, let's end sports. There is nothing more culturally residual of the Eisenhower era of patriarchal dominance than the fact that sports is reported on the local evening news every night. I don't know if this is a gay thing or an artist thing, but nothing bores me more than hearing a bunch of dudes blab about a sports game to no end. I grew up having to listen to my friends talk about that and having to sit with the men in the living room on holiday gatherings watching them somnambulantly grunt and mumble about touchdowns and field goals and all I saw were a bunch of bubble butts and helmets bopping around and stopping suddenly to regroup for no apparent reason and I would just check out of the room like someone who suddenly stopped understanding our spoken language. If you want to kill me, talk about sports for longer than two minutes and I will die of boredom right in front of you. I'll melt. Might even start crying. Goddamn, that shit is boring. Moving on, and this is probably a gay thing (and perhaps a son-of-a-hairdresser thing), these wiggy hairstyles on the lady anchors! Why does everyone's hair have to be so stiff? A woman with hair volume should have hair that moves. That's such a terrible look. Anyway, any news producers out there? May want to consider some of these suggestions. And lastly, stop not saying the "race" of the perp in a crime story. Saying, "the suspect was described as six feet tall and wearing a purple du-rag, a black leather jacket, and sagging pants." I mean...just say it, already. You know? Evasion only makes it more pronounced. Well that's it for me until I find something else to complain about.