I don't know which one of these fucking King of the Dipshits I'm voting for.
I consider myself a pretty decisive person, normally. But I really am torn about this mayoral election. My two biggest priorities are the crime/mental disease/homelessness trifecta and the ICE madness attacking my city's beautiful spectrum of aspirational immigrants. I know that Sliwa is the anti-crime guy and that Mamdani would defend the brown people who are here doing exactly the same thing that the Italian, Irish, and Eastern European immigrants were doing for hundreds of years (including years of illegal activities, gang warfare, and surviving fervent mutual tribalism). And I also know that Cuomo is not the median answer, the soft moderate of the three. He's a duplicitous power-grabber with a scion's ego and a knack for zero-sum negotiating, hence the billionaire donors and "everyday New Yorker" commercials. Sliwa is a non-starter in this election and there's no way I'm voting Republican during a Trump presidency, so that's out. And Mamdani just reminds me of a Canal Street Birkin bag: an imitation of a brand whose imitation of a real thing is both fashionably ironic and a trolling joke on its own customers. Plus, there's no way a Mamdani New York City is going to be safer. Wokeness run amok, we'll need a Daniel Perry in every subway station.
Each one of these guys is a king of a certain brand of dipshit to me. Xenophobe dipshit, status quo dipshit, and progresssive woke dipshit. Not a linear spectrum but a triangle of extremes.
Perhaps I should run. I'll make beer and gym memberships free, limit corporate restaurants and banks to a handful in each zip code, make it illegal to play Taylor Swift south of 14th Street, and open a hip-hop recording studio in RIkers so the thug contingent won't want to leave.
Do I have your vote?
No comments:
Post a Comment